My son, Cameron, was born on this date in 1988. A lot has happened in my life during these past 32 years. I’m certain a lot has happened in his, too. I wish I could tell you precisely what has happened in his life, but we’ve been estranged since his mother and I divorced when he was only three years old. I tried my best to maintain a relationship with him, but his mother did everything she could to make sure it couldn’t happen. You may not know this, but it’s nearly impossible to have a post-divorce relationship with your child when the other parent, the one who has custody of your child, won’t allow it. I could go into great detail as to why her actions were not justified, and I have to a certain extent in this weblog, but I’ll just say that she had absolutely no valid reason for keeping Cameron away from me. If she ever realizes that or has realized that, she has to live with the guilt for the rest of her life. As far as that situation goes, I am guiltless, which is not something I can say about a lot of things in my life.
If Cameron ever reads this, I wish him a happy birthday. I don’t know if the phone number I have for him is correct. I’ve called it a few times since he quit communicating with me a few years ago, and left voicemails. I even called him last year, shortly after I suffered a heart attack. He didn’t call back. So, I figure that he really doesn’t want to talk to me. I mean, if your son doesn’t reach out to you after a heart attack, there must be a serious reason why he doesn’t want to have a relationship with you. I have no idea why he feels this way, but it physically hurts me. When I think of him, it gives me instant pain in my chest. For 30 years, I could have had a relationship with Cameron, but his mother wouldn’t allow it. I cannot help but feel victimized in this situation for I did nothing to deserve this.
I try to find joy in my other two sons from this second marriage, but there is always something missing. You see, and I hate to admit it, Cameron always had a special place in my heart. From birth, he showed a light within him that I’ve never experienced with anyone else. Even a few years ago, when I saw him last, he lit up the room with his presence. I know he’s struggled with depression, as have I. (It’s probably genetic.) But that doesn’t make us bad people. I know that he has a kind heart and an impressive demeanor. I also know that those who have encountered him in their lives have benefitted from that encounter, for they have told me so.
So, on this special day, I choose to wish Cameron well and hope the best of his past will be the worst of this future. That’s a corny toast line I’ve used before, but it comes directly from my heart to Cameron. I also haven’t given up the hope that he will reach out to me. He has my phone number. He has my email address. If nothing else, he could contact me through this weblog’s contact page. I have chosen not to leave a voicemail for him today because I’m not even sure if I still have his current phone number. My mother, his grandmother, told me that she called the number and left a B-Day wishes voicemail for him. She misses him, too, as well as his aunt, my sister Kaye. It would be nice to hear from him again. But, if not, if he chooses to maintain his silence, I continue to wish him the best of all that life has to offer. That is my hope and desire.