I sure wish I knew if I am a grandfather or not. It has been over three months since my son, Cameron, last wrote to me. I have written to him three times after that. He wrote that he and his girlfriend were due to have a baby on May 21, 2008. That date came and went without a word from Cameron, and I’m very curious to know if I have a grandson. I can only assume that I do, given the information Cameron gave me more than three months ago. Sadly, it isn’t starting out to be the grandfather/grandson relationship I envisioned. For some strange reason, entirely incomprehensible to me at this time, Cameron continues to maintain a cloak of secrecy.
Initially, I thought his penchant for privacy was brought on by his mother’s influence. She has been that way for many years, too. Her influence must have rubbed off on Cameron, and now he has a habit of just not projecting himself out to the world. I know some of the reasons behind his mother’s desire to remain anonymous. Being known for malicious actions is not a good thing, especially if one is trying for a career as an elementary school teacher. I’m not getting into mud-slinging in this entry. I’ve made mention of some of Tara’s illegal, immoral, and unethical actions in other entries. The point is that Cameron, at the age of 19, should now be his own person.
Cameron is now a grown man. He should be beginning to see that the world is very different from how his mother views it. Cameron should have the ability now to make a decision and take control of his own life. He doesn’t have to ostracize his mother to do that. I encourage him to maintain a loving relationship with his mother, for she has sacrificed a lot over the years to raise him. Maybe she didn’t raise him in the best way possible. Maybe she didn’t even raise him in the best way she knew. But, she did raise him, and that is far more than I can say for myself. Because I thought Cameron would be better off with his mother than with me, I made the wrong decision to drop a custody battle I could have easily won.
Now, Cameron is left with the task of putting the missing pieces of his life together on his own. I am confident he can do it. Even though I spent little more than his first three years as his day-to-day father, I knew then what I still know now: Cameron is a very gifted person. He is considerate, dependable, kind, and has moral integrity. Also, he was an inquisitive youngster. This translates to being a risk-taker later on in life, which is a great character trait of a leader. I always felt that Cameron would grow up to be some kind of leader. I don’t want him to be pressured by any of his great natural gifts. From personal experience of being pressured by my parents into living up to potential, I learned it’s not a good thing to do to my children. I wish for Cameron to be happy. I have no expectations beyond that. Honestly, should anything ever take precedence over that? Cameron’s happiness is of paramount importance to me.
I hope that Cameron can cut the apron strings and understand that it is time to move on and start learning things about the world on his own. I hope that his girlfriend will be a good influence on him, giving him some serious sit-downs, heart-to-heart time, and telling him that it is time to focus on his relationship with her, not his mother.
I think that Cameron will be alright in the end. He will see that communicating with me can only be a good thing. He will also see that having a relationship with his grandparents, my parents, can serve him well. He has to act fast, though, as none of us are getting any younger. I pray for his daily success and wish him well in all the challenges that he encounters. Life is a series of tests. Maybe Cameron won’t pass all of them, but I’m confident that he’ll pass the ones that are the most meaningful. I love him very much and think about him daily. I guess that will never change. How could it? My love for Cameron is eternal.