Silver Lining in the Clouds

There are enormous gaps between weblog entries. When I began this weblog, I didn’t intend it to be so. I envisioned a continuous flow of ideas and happenings being catalogued online. Sadly, this did not happen and I must confess that I doubt it ever will. It simply isn’t as high of a priority as I once thought it was, or should be.

Rather than try to recap all the things that have occurred since my last weblog entry, I’ll just address what is currently going on in my life. First, and foremost, my wife and I are in marriage counseling. We are going to see a wonderful man, Vaughn, on a weekly basis. I enjoy his method of therapy, as he provides us with processes to solving our problems on our own. We have only seen him four times, but our relationship shows signs of getting better.

Frankly, much of what Vaughn says to Shu Mei is the same as what I’ve been saying to her all along. I guess because it is coming from an expert in the field of relationships, she puts greater faith in it now than when I said it. So, in reality, I am paying money for someone to say the same things I’ve been saying all along. It is worth every penny, though, because our relationship is getting better, albeit at a snail’s pace. It could all still fall apart, but at least now we seem to be heading in the right direction.

I must paraphrase an email message here that I sent to a friend recently, because writing it gave me a burst of self-awareness. In the message, I described how I currently feel about my life. I wrote that I feel my life is neither good nor bad right now. It is just somewhere in the middle. I am just okay.

I went further in the email, stating that I often wonder what the point is, then I look into the eyes of my two sons, Billy and Tyley, and I understand. When they say, “Daddy, I super super love you!” as I’m leaving for work each morning, I feel like I have a purpose in life. When I come home from work each night and they run up to me yelling, “Daddy’s home!” and hug me, I feel like I have a purpose in life… And, when they seem genuinely interested in whatever I am doing, no matter how trivial it is, I feel like I have a purpose in life. That is what makes me smile, both inwardly as well as outwardly.

After sending that message, I came to the realization that I don’t need my life to be good or bad. I am happy with just being okay, as long as I have the love of my sons. However, there is another son who I am concerned about, Cameron. I think of him every day, wondering what he is doing and hoping he is alright. I haven’t heard from him since February. In that message, he stated that he was looking for a place for him and his girlfriend. They are due to have a baby next month.

I hope that Cameron’s girlfriend is doing well and that the pregnancy isn’t too difficult for her. First pregnancies can be tough, as I have witnessed with Cameron’s mother and Shu Mei. Cameron has always been a loving person, so I’m certain he will help his girlfriend through any tough times she may have. I wrote him another message today, asking for an update. Hopefully, I will hear something back from him this time.

I asked him if he would allow me to see his baby, my grandson, if I come to visit America next summer. He said that would be good. Because of unforeseen expenses, it isn’t looking like I’ll be able to afford the trip, though. I’m still trying to swing it, because I really want to see Cameron, his girlfriend, and their new baby boy, but I don’t know. There’s not a lot I can do to earn more money at this point. I may have to just start saving for next year.

It is saddening for my parents, too, because they wanted to see Billy and Tyley this summer. They’re not in the best physical shape of their life, both of them in their mid-seventies, and it would be difficult for them to make the trip to Taiwan. Still, I think they might just do it, if I can’t go there. They really enjoy spending time with the boys. And who wouldn’t!? Those two are a sheer joy, through and through.

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