Shu Mei and the boys went with me to Taichung for dinner at Chili’s this evening. Then, we played some games at Sega Game Center in the Tiger City Shopping Mall. Tyley was so excited that he had an accident. Shu Mei took him to clean up, and I went with Billy to tell the attendant about the urine puddle Tyley had left on the floor, fearing that someone might slip on it. Luckily, Billy explained the situation well enough to the attendant in Chinese so she could understand what happened and where the puddle was. Then, Billy and I played a video game while we waited for Shu Mei and Tyley. After that, we got in the car and drove home.
On the drive home, I asked Shu Mei about what will happen regarding the America trip. It was like trying to get blood out of a stone. She gave me short little confusing answers. I told her I needed a more detailed explanation as to what will transpire, but she just became even vaguer in her responses to my questions. For example, I asked her where I was going to get money to buy food, and she said, “My sister.” I thought she was joking, but she was serious. Through more questioning, I learned that she planned on having Mei Hwa dole money out to me like I was some child! I said, “No, that isn’t going to happen. You need to leave me the ATM card with the correct PIN.” She oddly said, “There is no correct PIN.” I didn’t understand that, but emphasized my point, “You need to leave me the ATM with the correct PIN because our money is our money. Mei Hwa shouldn’t be involved with our money.” “You’ll just spend it all!” She blurted out, escalating the tone of the conversation. “I’m not going to be treated like a child, Shu Mei,” I said, “I should have had an ATM card a long time ago, but I let it slide. It has been easier for me to have you handle the money. But, it has turned into some sort of power thing for you. This is definitely something that we should be talking to a counselor about, instead of to each other – especially in front of the boys.” She said, “Well, nothing will help anyway.” I nodded my head and said, “I agree that nothing will help if that’s the kind of attitude that you have going into the counseling. You’ve got to have hope if you want it to work.” “I don’t,” She said. Then, we said nothing more for the rest of the drive home.
I cannot emphasize more the desperate need Shu Mei, and I have for family therapy. Nothing is more of a necessity than that. I know that I am the one who has a problem with our situation. I can make, and have made, our relationship bearable for Shu Mei and she is okay with that. She doesn’t expect anything more. However, I do. I am not content with the way things have been, not at any point during our marriage. I have a compelling need for things to get better. Why should I allow Shu Mei to continue to make my life miserable? Communication has been missing since the beginning of our marriage. It’s funny because I felt we were such great communicators during the dating period. I have no idea how this grand canyon came to divide us, but it has to be bridged now. I cannot continue like this any longer, and it isn’t a good thing for the boys to witness. For these two reasons (among a myriad of others), it is important that Shu Mei and I go to counseling. She will try to avoid it because she would rather sweep the problems under the rug than deal with them, but it can’t be put aside anymore. It just can’t.