The Day After

Shu Mei barely spoke to me today. I told her that we should seek counseling before jumping into divorce. She said it was useless. According to her, she has already made up her mind and nothing will change it. She said that counseling would be a waste of time. I asked her how she knew that, because we had never tried it. She didn’t respond. I reminded her about the time we spoke to the Monsons, just one time, and things were better for us for a brief period. I said that I had found a place in Taichung, a Christian family counseling center, that could help us. I suggested to Shu Mei that we try weekly counseling there and see what happens. She said she didn’t want to do it, repeating that it would be a waste of time. Her abrasive demeanor when I tried to converse with her was very difficult to endure. Shu Mei demonstrated no concern for me whatsoever, treating me more like her slave than her husband.

History has repeated itself. Barely two days after we were married Shu Mei wanted a divorce. Six times during that first year she either tried to leave me or did for a few days at a time. The arrival of Billy helped the second year, as she only demanded a divorce three times. Since then, the demands for divorce have tapered off – until now. I can honestly say that I don’t feel Shu Mei is responsible for this tapering off. She has remained as insolent, selfish, and stubborn as ever throughout our marriage. Because I have made a major change to who I was, peace has been kept for the most part. I just lowered my expectations considerably and did whatever Shu Mei wanted to do and peace ensued. The master really has nothing to complain about when the slave does all his (in this case “her” is more appropriate) bidding.

I spoke to my parents via Skype briefly before going to church. Shu Mei expected that I wouldn’t go to church. She had reason, as there have been two times I didn’t go to church because of an argument we had. However, I felt a great need to go today, given the current situation. I needed all the help from Our Heavenly Father that I could possibly get. Shu Mei was ready to take Billy and leave Tyley with me, as has always been the case when I stay home and she goes. Shu Mei said she can’t handle both of the boys at church. I told her that I wanted to go and she said, “Then you take them,” and immediately went to the boys’ room and lay down in bed again. I said, “Okay, that’s your choice, but I think you should go, too.” No response. I asked Shu Mei to help get Tyley ready while I took a shower. Again, no response. I took a shower. When I came out, Tyley was half-dressed and I was grateful that Shu Mei had at least helped do that. She had gotten up and was out back doing laundry by this time.



I said, “Shu Mei, please come to church. I promise, I won’t even talk to you the whole time, if that’s what you want.” (One thing I forgot to mention about my brief discussion with Shu Mei last night was a “Yes” reply she gave to the question, “Do you think a good marriage is when two people don’t speak to each other?”) She repeated that she didn’t want to go to church. So, I headed out the door with Billy and Tyley.

Sacrament meeting wasn’t difficult with both boys. I don’t know what Shu Mei was thinking. Billy sat quietly, putting together some paper toys he brought. Tyley colored. They both had to go to the bathroom during the meeting, but Billy went by himself (the bathroom is in the back of the meeting room) and Tyley was an easy trip to and from. I could see where they might be more stressful, particularly if they had nothing to do and they had limited sleep the night before. But, it was something I’m not against doing in the future, taking the both of them to church by myself. After sacrament meeting was easy – for me. They both went off to class, as they normally do. Tyley had an accident during his class. He pooed in his pants. But, the teacher took care of it and I only found out about it afterwards. Everyone asked where Shu Mei was. To some I said, “She wasn’t feeling well,” and to others I merely said, “I don’t know.” They laughed at that latter response, but it really wasn’t a joke, as I know Shu Mei. I knew that the second we left for church, she was out the door, too, to one of her many friends’ houses to receive justification for her actions.

On the way home, I stopped at a flower shop and bought two bouquets of flowers. Then, I stopped at Shu Mei’s mother’s house and had Billy run one of the bouquets in. He gave it to Alan, who was watching TV downstairs there. (I hope it made it to his grandma.) The other bouquet we took home for Shu Mei. When we got home, Shu Mei wasn’t there, of course. I went on Skype and saw that you weren’t online, so I had Billy draw a picture of Shu Mei and helped him to write “We love you, Mommy” above it, with his and Tyley’s names below. I put the flowers in a vase and taped the picture to it. Shu Mei didn’t return home until after 8:30 pm. Billy tried to get her to see his picture, but she wouldn’t even glance over at it. She spent the rest of the night on her computer, as Billy, Tyley, and I watched a movie. I went in to use the bathroom and Shu Mei had placed a used feminine pad on top of the toilet paper roll. I don’t know why she did this, as there is a waste basket just outside of the bathroom. Maybe she forgot, or maybe she wants me to know that she’s on her period. I have no idea, but it was as disgusting as the many times I’ve found blood and/or urine on the toilet seat. I’ve mentioned to her that I don’t like her doing that. To bring it to her attention now would just give her one more thing she couldn’t care less about. That’s Shu Mei, defiant to the end!

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