While working at Chih-yung high school, I have always had at least one class that stands out for all the wrong reasons. Currently, that class is class number 206. They constantly test my patience. Aside from three or four students, the entire class of thirty is filled with individuals who have a complete lack of desire to learn English. This is ironic, given the fact that they’re English major students.

That’s a joke really, “English major students”. In the Taiwanese education system, the students who score lowest on their high school entrance exams are obliged to select a major, based on the subject they scored the best in (read: least worst in) on the exam. Consequently, the English major students that I teach are by no means adept at English. The general academic students I teach are for more proficient in the language.

I teach 206 for three periods weekly. By leaps and bounds, those three periods are my worst. The students in that class demonstrate a complete lack of desire to learn English. Consequently, my desire to teach them is almost nonexistent. I literally force myself to just go through the motions. If, by some miracle, the students in that class actually want to learn English, at least a minimum of effort on my part was put forth that would enable them to do so.

In the past, I tried everything. I spent hours upon end trying to uplift them. I exhausted a great deal of energy trying to encourage them to become everything that they could be, to rise up to meet their potential. I conducted numerous activities and games with rewards that I paid for out of my own pocket, to try and help them ignite a spark of interest. It was all a waste of time. I came out entirely disillusioned by the whole process.

At first, I blamed myself for their lack of desire. That is why I tried everything under the sun to persuade them that learning English can be fun and is definitely worth it. Initially, instead of actually going through the teaching motions with them, I dedicated a lot of my time promoting the notion that learning English would actually help them in their future. Now I feel deflated, like my words fell on deaf ears.

Periodically, I test the waters, to see if anything I am saying is actually having an impact upon the 206 students. To date, I haven’t seen any indication of it doing so. Just today, I spent five minutes introducing one word to them. The word itself doesn’t matter. Suffice it to say that it was a word that is very common, so I thought it would be good for them to learn it. After writing the word on the whiteboard, I noticed that none of the students had written it down. I went into a diatribe about the importance of copying a word down that I write on the whiteboard, or that any teacher writes for that matter. I explained in “Tarzan English” that the process of doing that will help them in retaining a memory of that word and its meaning.

I didn’t even explain the importance of using the word when practicing English conversation, though I’ve done it with other words many times before. I just explained to them that when I write a word on the whiteboard, they should write it down in their books. This isn’t the first time I have talked about this. I would venture to say that I have probably spoken about this subject half a dozen times already with class 206. But, this time I wanted to drive the point home. So, I spent twenty minutes on it. Those twenty minutes, with the five I had spent defining the word I had written, took up half of the class period.

Then, I made a bold prediction. Actually, it wasn’t that “bold” because I know these kids. I said, “I predict that maybe, just maybe, two of you in this class actually wrote the word down.” After that, I asked everyone to raise their hand, if they wrote the word down, finally. Only one student raised her hand. Sadly, my point was confirmed.

Shu Mei and the boys went with me to Taichung for dinner at Chili’s this evening. Then, we played some games at Sega Game Center in the Tiger City Shopping Mall. Tyley was so excited that he had an accident. Shu Mei took him to clean up and I went with Billy to tell the attendant about the urine puddle Tyley had left on the floor, fearing that someone might slip on it. Luckily, Billy explained the situation well enough to the attendant in Chinese so she could understand what happened and where the puddle was. Then, Billy and I played a video game while we waited for Shu Mei and Tyley. After that, we got in the car and drove home.

On the drive home, I asked Shu Mei about what will happen regarding the America trip. It was like trying to get blood out of a stone. She gave me short little confusing answers. I told her I needed a more detailed explanation as to what will transpire, but she just became even more vague in her responses to my questions. For example, I asked her where I was going to get money to buy food and she said, “My sister.” I thought she was joking, but she was actually serious. Through more questioning, I learned that she planned on having Mei Hwa dole money out to me, like I was some sort of child! I said, “No, that isn’t going to happen. You need to leave me the ATM card with the correct PIN.” She oddly said, “There is no correct PIN.” I didn’t understand that, but emphasized my point, “You need to leave me the ATM with the correct PIN, because our money is our money. Mei Hwa shouldn’t be involved with our money.” “You’ll just spend it all!” She blurted out, escalating the tone of the conversation. “I’m not going to be treated like a child, Shu Mei,” I said, “I should have had an ATM card a long time ago, but I let it slide. It has been easier for me to have you handle the money. But, it has turned into some sort of power thing for you. This is definitely something that we should be talking to a counselor about, instead of to each other – especially in front of the boys.” She said, “Well, nothing will help anyway.” I nodded my head and said, “I agree that nothing will help, if that’s the kind of attitude that you have going into the counseling. You’ve got to have hope if you want it to work.” “I don’t,” She said. Then, we said nothing more the rest of the drive home.

I cannot emphasize more the desperate need Shu Mei and I have for family therapy. Nothing is more of a necessity than that. I know that I am the one who really has a problem with our situation. I can make, and have made, our relationship bearable for Shu Mei and she is fine with that. She doesn’t expect anything more. However, I do. I am not content with the way things have been, not at any point during our marriage. I have a compelling need for things to get better. Why should I allow Shu Mei to continue to make my life miserable? Communication has been missing since the beginning of our marriage. It’s funny, because I felt we were such great communicators during the dating period. I have no idea how this great canyon came to divide us, but it has to be bridged now. I cannot continue like this any longer and it isn’t a good thing for the boys to witness. For these two reasons (among a myriad of others), it is important that Shu Mei and I go to counseling. She will try to avoid it, because she would rather sweep the problems under a rug than deal with them, but it can’t be put aside anymore. It just can’t.

One small ray of hope was shining this morning, as we all went to Church. Shu Mei said in the car, “I’m sorry.” I said, “What!? I can’t remember you ever saying those words.” “I have said them many times,” She responded, “You just didn’t hear them.” “Maybe you said them in your mind,” I said, “But, I don’t remember them ever coming out of your mouth. Anyway, what are you sorry for?” I couldn’t think of which thing she was referring to, out of the million things she should be sorry for. “For making Billy breathe.” She replied. “‘Breathe’?” I asked. “With the diabetes thing.” She said. “Oh, BLEED,” I corrected, “Yes, it was a bad thing to do.” “I know,” Shu Mei said, “But he deserved it!” Well, at least she got the “I know” part right. She was still trying to justify her actions, which showed me that she had not completely made the transition into realizing her physical punishment of the boys had gone into the realm of physical abuse. Still, her apology was a step in the right direction, even if the apology was given to the wrong person.

Maybe this trip will help Shu Mei bond with the boys and help mend some of those emotional scars she has caused. At least she is going to be forced to act civilly towards them, as she has done whenever Mom and Dad are around. I just hope and pray that she will understand that acting in a positive manner is much more productive than in a negative manner.

I’m still unsure as to the timetable of everything regarding the US trip, as she guards what her action plan is like it is an issue of national security.