Colorful Comparisons

Alike as two peas in a pod.
Big as a bear.
Big as a whale.
Big as Texas.
Bitter as a gale.
Black as coal.
Black as night.
Black as the ace of spades.
Blind as a bat.
Brave as a lion.
Bright as a new silver dollar.
Busy as a bee.
Busy as a one-armed barber with the hives.
Busy as a one-legged man in an ass kickin’ contest.
Cheap as dirt.
Clean as a penny.
Clean as a whistle.
Clear as a bell.
Clear as mud.
Clear as the handwriting on the wall.
Clear as the nose on your face.
Clumsy as a bull in a china closet.
Cold as a cucumber.
Cold as a well-digger’s feet in Alaska.
Cold as a witch’s tit.
Cold as ice.
Common as house dust.
Confusing as a Freemason handshake.
Cool as a cucumber.
Crazy as a June bug.
Crazy as a loon.
Crisp as lettuce.
Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks.
Crooked as a dog’s hind leg.
Cross as a bear.
Cute as a bug’s ear.
Cute as a button.
Dangerous as a declawed kitten.
Dead as a door nail.
Deep as a well.
Drunk as a skunk.
Dry as a bone.
Dry as a popcorn fart.
Dumb as a box of rocks.
Dumb as a mud fence.
Dumb as a post.
Dumb as dirt.
Eager as a beaver.
Easy as A.B.C.
Easy as a stroll in the park.
Easy as falling off a log.
Easy as pie.
Fast as a racehorse.
Fine as cream gravy.
Fit as a fiddle.
Flat as a pancake.
Free as a bird.
Free as speech.
Fresh as a daisy.
Fun as a barrel of monkeys.
Game as a banty rooster.
Gentle as a lamb.
Giddy as a schoolgirl.
Good as gold.
Handy as a flashlight with no batteries.
Handy as pockets on a shirt.
Happy as a clam.
Happy as a flea in a doghouse.
Happy as a fly in pie.
Happy as a pig in shit.
Happy as a rat with a gold tooth.
Healthy as a horse.
Hard as a rock.
Hard as nails.
High as a kite.
Honest as the day is long.
Horny as a two-peckered billy goat.
Hot as a goat’s ass in a pepper patch.
Hot as a well digger’s ass.
Hot as a whorehouse on nickel night.
Hot as hell.
Hot as two cats fighting in a wool sock.
Hungry as a horse,
Large as life.

Lazy as a rich man’s cat.
Light as a feather.
Limber as a peach tree switch.
Long as a country mile.
Loose as a goose.
Low as a snake’s belly.
Mad as a hatter.
Mad as a hornet.
Mad as an old wet hen.
Mean as a junkyard dog.
Mean as a rattlesnake.
Naked as a jaybird.
Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Nutty as a fruitcake.
Often as a goose goes barefoot.
Old as Methuselah.
Old as the hills.
Pale as a ghost.
Plain as the hump on a camel.
Poor as a church mouse.
Pretty as a calico cat.
Pretty as a peach.
Protective as a mother hen.
Proud as a peacock.
Pure as the driven snow.
Quick as a wink.
Quick as greased lightning.
Quick as silver.
Quiet as a mouse.
Quiet as a shadow’s grave.
Red as a beet.
Right as rain.
Scarce as hen’s teeth.
Serious as a heart attack.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
Sharp as a razor.
Sharp as a stick.
Sharp as a tack.
Sick as a dog.
Silly as a goose.
Skinny as a bean pole.
Skinny as a rail.
Slick as a cow pie on a flat rock.
Slick as a whistle.
Slippery as an eel.
Slippery as snot on a glass doorknob.
Slow as a broke clock.
Slow as a snail.
Slow as molasses in January.
Sly as a fox.
Small as a gnat’s eye.
Smart as a whip.
Smooth as glass.
Smooth as silk.
Snug as a bug in a rug.
Sober as a judge.
Soft as a baby’s butt.
Solid as a rock.
Sound as a bell.
Stiff as a board.
Straight as an arrow.
Straight as an arrow.
Strong as an ox.
Stubborn as a mule.
Stupid as a screen door on a submarine.
Subtle as a chainsaw.
Subtle as a trainwreck.
Sure as death and taxes.
Sure as night follows day.
Sure as shit stinks.
Sure as shooting.
Sweet as cotton candy.
Sweet as honey.
Tall as a tree.
Tender as a mother’s love.
Thick as thieves.
Thin as a rail.
Tight as a drum.
Tight as a duck’s ass.
Tight as a gnat’s chuff.
Tight as a nun’s knickers.
Tight as a tourniquet.
Tough as nails.
Tough as shoe leather.
Ugly as a toad.
Ugly as sin.
Ugly as the east end of a horse headed west.
Useless as a pogo stick in quicksand.
Useless as teats on a boar.
Welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.
White as a ghost.
White as a sheet.
Wise as an owl.
Wise as Solomon.

“The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.” -James D. Nicoll